The Potty Training Chronicles: Week 1

This is it, we started our potty training journey. The journey I was afraid would be harder than diapers and would involve turning my car into a makeshift toddler porta-potty and numerous poop in the pants in public incidents.  As though motherhood hadn't already turned me into a hermit.

Here's how it went.

Weeks before: Let's watch all potty videos and read 3 potty bedtime books every day. The speaker at MommyCon said this would work.

This is getting repetitious. I don't know how long I can feign enthusiasm for the kids in these books. 
A week before: "Can I go potty?" BB asks almost every night after reading one or more of the potty books. Apparently this child will urinate on cue for Jelly Beans. Goodness, the potty books actually work. I think it's time to order some Pull-Ups and potty training supplies.

The day before: Today is the day. There are covers on all the upholstery. BB is going to go pants-less and we are going to get him on the potty.

"NOOOOOO!!!! Put my diaper on! Put my diaper on!" I have been met with screaming protest.

No, today is not the day. We will start tomorrow when mommy has less of a headache. For the record, I rarely had headaches before having kids.

Day 1: Bribing with candy is super effective. No pants, no diaper, no problem. No pee accidents but a false sense of security is quickly dashed by a panicked scream followed by a trail a poop from the hallway all the way to right in front of the potty. And an understandably freaked out little boy who has only ever pooped in a diaper his whole life.
I have gross underestimated how terrifying bowel movements can be by blocking the experience out with reading materials and electronics all these years.

Day 2: Another day of no pee accidents. My kid is so smart, he learned how to pee in the potty on day one. All that preparation really paid off there, supermom.

And today the poop didn't end up all the way down the hall. It didn't end up in the potty either. Just right in front.
Note to self: Lock all the doors to the bedrooms so BB is only in rooms where he can't hide and poop somewhere inconspicuous. I heard about a kid who pooped in his toy box.

Day 3: Turns out locking the doors is unnecessary because no matter what room he is in the urge to poop will always be announced with the high pitched screams of, "I have to go potty" and the preemptive "WIPE MY BUTT." But guess who went in his poop is in potty today? Well aside from mommy and daddy, BB did! And he got a chocolate treat for it. I could actually see the light bulb go off in his head when he realized he wasn't just getting a single paltry gummy bear or jelly bean, he was getting the good stuff.

The irony of trading a toddler poop for chocolate is not lost on me.

Day 4: Today is going to be the day. This kid is going to have no accidents. He even woke up dry so we might not even need nighttime diapers. I worried about potty training for nothing.

Except today was a complete regression. The urge to pee struck BB while he was playing and though he knew he had to go, now announcing any need to pee or poop with the chant, "INEEDTOGOPOTTY! INEEDTOGOPOTTY!" He refused to go to the potty and peed right on the living room floor.

I have never been more proud of my choice to put hardwood floors throughout the house like I am today.

Day 5: My spirit is broken today. BB peed right in front of the potty after refusing to take off his pants to go pee. He then pooped in his pants when he refused to take his pants off again. I explain to BB that he will not be able to attend Montessori School (known to him as Animal School because of the tortoise, hens, bunnies, cockatiel, reptiles and turtles at the school) unless he uses the potty for pee and poop. They only take children who don't have accidents.

This seemed to sink in. We'll see tomorrow.

Day 6: BB is back to no pee accidents. After ever potty visit he says, "I want to go to Montessori School and see the animals." Ok, kid. One day at a time. You haven't even had a bowel movement yet.

Day 7: I have spent the past week obsessed with where this little human does his doody. It is all I can talk about so everyone has loads of advice. Like, "Let him choose his own undies," "Put a potty in every room," and "Use cheerios in the potty."

Why doesn't anyone recommend a cocktail and a room to cry in?

For Part 2, please click here

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