7 Birth Board Meltdowns in the First Year

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 Having been on a massive Birth Board for the past year or so of my life, there's one phenomenon that I've noticed when a group of women anonymously post on a topical board: Outright Drama.

Instead of putting together something like the Real Housewives of Babycenter, I thought, with my finite wisdom, I would just go ahead and make an easy list of topics that create a meltdown on any birth board.

To be clear, I am not trolling any of you, my dear readers.  And please, don't turn my blog into your personal soapbox to argue any of these points.  It's my soapbox, there's no room for you Sanctimommy and I'm using it for laughs.

1. Natural Birth Vs. Medicated Birth Vs. C-Section.

First, those who have have medicated vaginal births will argue that they've have natural births in which the women who have had natural births will be upset because they legitimately earned the right to label their birth "natural" since they didn't enjoy the "ease" of an epidural.  But they will all agree that it's so much better than a c-section birth while at least one mom will be taken to task for wanting to opt out of even trying for a vaginal birth in favor of the convenience of being able to schedule the birth and be completely under for the entire experience.  This mom will also be happy about how her lady bits are not pudding.

This will devolve into an argument over the minutiae of defining Term vs. Full Term.  Two phrases that are seemingly interchangeable and only important in the context of shaming other moms on the internet.

(I tried for a natural birth and 25 hours and an epidural later, I ended up with a C-Section. My baby was not harmed in the C-Section and Natural birth is insanely painful and labor is still no walk in the park even with an epidural.)

2. To Circumcise or Not Circumcise. Oddly, this argument has participants from moms who don't even have boys!  You see, it seems that circumcising a boy is genital mutilation and is completely barbaric with no purpose but if you don't do it one day the boy might have a medical emergency when he's a grown man and have to have it done anyway while he's old enough to experience the pain and remember it. 

Also, any boy who isn't circumcised will get an STD and some kind of infection because using protection and learning how to clean one's private parts are not skills are are completely the parent's responsibility to teach their children. He will also be laughed at by women who see his penis and note that it's not like all the other penises.

Mothers against will say that some stupid girl that their son hooks up with in the future laughing at him is no reason to mutilate his genital now and will link to horror stories about circumcisions gone wrong.  In fact, it's deplorable to subject a baby to an elective surgery!

(BB was circumcised within the first 48 hours of his life.)

3. Breastfeeding or Full Formula. Some women will be uncomfortable with breastfeeding and will opt for formula feeding before even having the child and they will be shamed and told that formula is like poison and breast is best.  Others will have medical reasons they can't breastfeed and these mothers will be embraced and told that formula is good for babies and all that matters is that they are fed.  Many stories will be told about how brilliant their own breastfed or formula fed babies were.  Or how their formula fed or breastfed babies never got sick.  Or how their breastfed or formula fed baby is the next messiah.

Arguments will ensue after the babies are born and many women are have breastfeeding challenges. One side shaming the mom for starving her baby for the vanity of breastfeeding.  The other side shaming the mom for thinking of quitting. Some women will come in to shame both sides for criticizing mothers who are just trying to feed their babies.  These women will also be mocked.

(BB was BFed with supplementation and now is both nursed and given bottles of pumped milk.  He was not poisoned by formula and BFing was the hardest physical skill I've ever had to learn.)

4. Working or Stay-At-Home Mom. This is such a loaded topic that stems from the age old question of which mom has it worst?  Working Moms have to do all the work that SAHMs do plus go outside of the home to work and be away from their babies.  SAHMs work around the clock and don't get coffee breaks, adult interaction and downtime like Working Moms' coffee breaks. SAHMs are better for moms to their kids because they're focused on child rearing.  Working moms are better for their kids because they're being a positive example for their children of balancing a family and work and helping their families afford more things.

This is really an argument that devolves because as moms, we're all just really tired and cranky, regardless of where we spend the bulk of our days, and taking it out on each other. And because we cannot have it all despite what the mainstream media would like us to believe.  Don't hate each other ladies, hate the men who don't worry about this at all.

(I work outside of the home.)

5. Food Stamps and Government Assistance. This is the topic that gets really politically heated. One side is the "I pay taxes to support your reproductive decisions" and the other side is "You don't know my life, we work hard for our money but it isn't enough to make ends meet."

You see, this is actually a political debate disguised as a mommy topic.  It is the perfect storm of soapboxes.

"Don't tell me how to live my life.  I pay my taxes."

"It's irresponsible to have children if you can't afford them."

Usually this starts with someone complaining about how hard it is to access their SNAP or WIC benefits.

(No comment.)

6. Vaccinations, Autism and Herd Immunity. Vaccinating your children will give them some kind of disorder but not vaccinating them will result in genocide. Parents who don't vaccinate are irresponsible and relying on the responsibility of the parents who do vaccinate their children and putting the vaccinated children at risk.  Parents who do vaccinate are just pawns of the drug corporations and are putting their own children at risk by injecting poison into their bodies.

This is the tin foil hat argument of the mommy world. DH brought this up in one of his online manly chats and that conversation devolved into a vaccination debate too.  This topic is chock full of distrust of the system and I'm surprised that Dan Brown hasn't written a book about it.

(BB is on a delayed vaccination schedule.)

7. CIO or Bedsharing. Ava Neyer put it best in her Sleep Training rant but I'm going to give it a shot.  If you let your baby Cry It Out, your baby will never trust you and hate to sleep and you're a terrible mom for abandoning your child. Your child didn't learn to sleep with CIO, he just learned that you don't love him anymore and you should be ashamed while you're peacefully sleeping in your bed while your baby sleeps through the night.  But if you bed-share to deal with the sleep issues you are basically a ticking time bomb waiting to unwittingly suffocate your child at night. And if you child doesn't die, then he'll never leave your bed.  You'll literally have a 30 year old sleeping between you and your husband. Also, you are a bad wife.

(I cosleep with BB at night.)

Did I miss one?  Comment below!



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